A Recent Confrontation

Hello all. Remember my post about my friends' summer romance in which I felt used? Well, if you do this should clear somethings up. We're not necessarily on speaking terms at this moment, and, at this point, I really don't want to be. Honestly, I think I'm done with a lot of people this year. Her comment made me realize that I really don't want to fix things between us. Part of me thinks it's because I may be leaving this God forsaken state at the end of the year, and the other part of me thinks I don't want to hang out with her because she makes my insecurities take center stage. I'm sorry, Kayla. I really am. But if you want to attack me via the internet about something I finally got over, do it. I'm not jealous of you, by the way. I hope you know that I really am happy for you. But I'm done trying to make other people happy. I only told people how I feel. Is that a crime now? To get things off my chest? Because last I checked, I don't have to tell anyone everything. And as for the psychological onslaught, that's not cool. If you're that in tune with my emotions, you would've caught that I haven't been myself for a very long time. I'll fix things when I want to fix things even if I still want to fix things. You can keep Jenna, by the way. She just makes fun of me, and I've told her that. As of late, I've been numb. And don't even bitch about how Lance made me feel better. He just listened as I told him back in the summer how I've been feeling. It's not my fault that I felt betrayed. And trust me, being one-sided when you feel hurt is normal. I'll apologize when I feel like it's necessary. But I'm done being the first one to instigate a conversation. And you still have EVERYONE, NOT just Jenna. You've got Dennis, Micki, Ty, Alec and so many other people. So please, don't try to pull that card. Anyways, see you at the party.

~Priscilla

From here on out...

Well, dear readers, from here on out, I'm going to be making my blog "A Series of Related Things." I'll be posting a story that I'm working on and each time you read a new post, you'll be following the life of Izzy Rivera. I'm going to finish chapter one by tomorrow evening and have it posted. Check it ;)
Hasta!
Pixi ♥

My Eyes Burn.

My eyes burn with tears that I wish I could let loose. The thing is, I only cry to help me get what I want. I save the emotions for acting. Acting. That's my problem. I want to be an actress someday, and I know I can make it. The only thing holding me back? I don't have a ride to casting calls due to my mother's annoyance. I auditioned in Philly, and the people there were trying to send us to Florida to meet agents. I never got the scores back, and my mom was pissed. I understand that they didn't call back, but not everything in the world is a scam. I'm hurt beyond compare that she won't help me out. She took me to the one casting call that was a scam out of the many that I've been eligible for. In a sense, I feel betrayed, but I know I'm reacting like a child. It's like I'm throwing a hissy fit when I just want to take the opportunity to go places. When you've lived in various parts of the country, you get insanely bored of one place after eight years. I just want to take the initiative to take the first steps out of this state. I have no reason to cry, other than the fact that my dreams are slowly being shattered. I wasn't hurt by not getting a callback, but my mother was furious. Okay, one acting company never called back, so what? Prove that I'm done and get over the acting bug? Not until hell freezes over will that be possible. I'm going to just keep begging her to take me. Once I get my license, I'm going to drive to every single casting call. With or without my mother. My passion for acting is what's going to get me disowned. I know it. Damn, I sound like an under achieving Asian kid with the stereotypical Asian stereotype parents. Oh well.  I guess my eyes'll burn a little longer because I refuse to let anyone see me cry. Crying is for the week, and it lets people know that they hurt you. I'm never giving anyone that satisfaction again. No one deserves to be a jerk and get away with making someone cry. Friggin' teen angst can S my neighbor's D. Grrr.
Later
~Pixi♥

And He's Gone Again

"Who is he?" you may be wondering. "He" happens to be my father. You see, my dad is in the military, therefore, we move a lot. This time, he's going to a different state -by himself. He left my family for a year for work in Japan, and now the military is sending him away for schooling. It feels like a mix of emotions brawling in my brain. It's like, I'm proud that he's going, but mad that they're taking him, happy that he's going, but sad that he's leaving. Does that make sense? To me, it does, and maybe to other Military brats, too. It's a sacrifice he has to make to keep my family in one state. Maybe, I'm just bitter. I know he'll be okay, and I'll be able to see him every weekend, but it hurts ya know? Cause it's really not like he's got a choice. My father is truly an awesome person. For now, I'll just continue to feed my dog things that would drive my older brother crazy. Appreciate the fathers and father figures in your life, okay? 

Te amo! ♥

~Pixi

Ps. dogs help heal wounds.

The Weirdest Party Ever

Dear Reader,
       If you ever get bored at a party, please don't do what I did....
What I did was I chugged a bottle of water and started catching flies on the table of my brother's girlfriend's house. It was entertaining because I was insanely bored. Don't do it. Or you'll get weird looks...trust me  :)
Hasta luego!
~Pixi

Dear Universe

Dear Universe,
        What do you have against teenagers? Cause legitimately, it seems as though you want all of us to crash and burn? What's up with that?
Sincerely,
    Miss Pixi


♫♪☼►◄↕‼☺◙♀♂♪☼►§¶▬↨↑↓→←∟↔
Do you ever have those days when you feel like your whole world is crashing down around you? I do, and I hate them. They make me feel like a child again, confused and naive. :/ Vulnerable, almost. It makes me want to curl up and just cry, but I'm no longer able to cry. I hate these nights when all I want to do is sleep, but I'm stuck with all these questions floating around in my head and trying to get answers. Instead, I look up at the stars or just lay in the dark wishing my mind would stay quiet for once. 

ROAR. I've been used like a tissue

ROAR.
Decided that I'd start this post with my anger. "Pixi, what(besides friggin bitches), are you mad at today?" Well, dear reader, recently a little predicament has reared its ugly head into my life. 
Cast of today's rant:
Boyfriend: Drummer Boy
Girlfriend: Beach Girl
Blonde friend: Blondie


As of yesterday, two of my very close friends started officially going by "boyfriend and girlfriend." Nothing wrong with that. The problem is, I was being used for a good chunk of the time. I don't know if either of them see it like that, but, if you look at the situation from an outside point of view, I was. She'd always text me to hang out and would bring my loveable blonde friend with her. Turns out, she got all my boys (minus a couple of 'em), outside. But she's not the only guilty one. The boyfriend is the one who called and asked if I wanted to hang out. Thinking I was going to get my ass kicked in a hilarious round of COD, I said yes. Then mah blondie texted and said that she and Beach Girl were gonna head down. I was still insanely drowsy due to an insomniac rant from the night before. I wasn't sounding as enthusiastic as I really was cause I really genuinely love my friends, but they were coming so I was all smiles. So I blew off drummer boy for like an hour till my girls showed up, and then we headed out to find all the neighbors. For a while, it was fun. But you could feel that something just wasn't right. By the time beach girl and blondie had to leave, Drummer Boy coyly lured Beach Girl into his garage and asked her out. Of course she said yes. Now don't get me wrong, it's not the whole dating thing that bothers me. I knew that he was going to ask her, all the neighborhood kids did. What pisses me off is that I'm looking back at all the times that Beach Girl came over without blondie to hang out with me, was she really wanting to hang out with me? Or did she just like the prospect of possibly getting to see drummer boy? I feel used. I feel used like a friggin' tissue. The worst part? I'm not gonna tell either of them how I feel. No reason to rain on their parade. It's just, I feel hurt ya know? Like there's a reason to this hurt that I just can't seem to figure out. The kind that just makes you want to cry, but crying isn't my thing. I'm just trying to make sense of all the things swirling in my head. I wish I knew how to say this without sounding like the thing I hate the most: bitches. I know I'm acting like one in a sense, but, I guess, this is just too much too handle. A direct quote from the conversation I'm currently having with Lance Uppercut..."Because friggin' Beach Girl comes over to see Drummer boy. Like, really, I feel as though that's crossing a line. I understand that they like each other, but seriously. He could've asked her out when they had their date. NOT when they were hanging with friends, then tried to play coy." EVEN I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A BITCH. It's just...URGH. I hate this feeling. I'm happy for them, I truly am. I think I just feel used. Oh well, Lance Uppercut is doing a fantastic job of being a good guy friend and making me laugh :) At least I have realiable people. Anyways, thanks for reading. Comments aren't manditory, but much appreciated. 
Hasta la vista los bonitos chicos y las bonitas chicas ;)
~Pixi♥